Update, damn I suck at blogging lately

Okay, so I don't know what's changed, but I feel a LOT more positive about my job choice. I recently went to Los Angeles for a week of training and spent most of the time out there talking to new business owner/agents that have less experience and are dealing with FAR greater obsticles than I. For example, the single mom with two kiddos and she's starting her own business, just like me. But minus the support of a fabulous husband (who also brings home a pretty decent income to support me in the style I'd like to become accustom to) Or, the young father of one, whose wife is expecting baby number 2 in the middle of December. What the hell are they living on right now? It wasn't really a learning experience from the training aspect, but talking to other people who are trying to work out the exact same issues as me was abso-freaking-lutely awesome. Needless to say, I came back to hillbilly country with a far different outlook on how to run my business. First and foremost, I REFUSE to let myself get so stressed out that I cannot function. So, I updated my crazy meds and started drinking more. (Kidding! at least about the crazy meds part. :-)

I'm talking about issues with the spouse as well. Holding stuff back so he doesn't worry won't do either of us any good, and could possibly hurt our relationship. That's veddy veddy bad. But, consider that shit nipped in the bud.

Also, I managed to crank out with the Christmas shopping. Visa is gonna probably call to see who Really Used that Card, because normally I'm a pretty conservative credit card user. But, fuck it. I'm broke and the kid's birthday is next week. Christmas a few weeks after that. I bought the 'happy' gifts first. You know, the ones for all the little kids in your life that you love and Cant Wait To See Them Open This From Aunt Ang!!!!!!! That kind of stuff always puts me in the best Christmasy moods. Then I bought Frosty the Snowman ring tone for my cell, so it would remind me to unclench and have some eggnog, beeyotch. Last night I even left work about an hour early to wrap gifts and get the under the tree. Now, I still haven't bought the 'boring, sucky' gifts. You know the ones I'm talking about. The gift-card-only-please-include-a-receipt-i-only-shop-here difficult crap. Like for father-in-laws and obscure 2nd cousins on your husband's side that you only see once a year, and for the past three years you've receieved the exact same suck-ass pair of 99 cent bin gloves...... Yeah, those gifts. The ones that you just want to write them a check and say Ho Ho Ho.

sidenote: I'm being unfair about the father-in-law thing. He's not too hard to buy for, and they always get me something fabulous. Sorry, my bad.

This Friday the kid has invited 10 girls to spend the night with her, for a birthday slumber party. I always advise the girl to over-invite because around the holidays its difficult to get everyone to show. Well, 8 girls rsvp'd so I guess this weekend is going to be filled with cake, sleepover squeals, presents, and Valium. (okay, if I put the Valium in the cake, do you think anyone would ever find out?) Kidding! I wouldn't waste the good stuff on some little girls! :-)

I'm bitching about it, but honestly, I'm really excited for my baby girl. She's turning 11, and acts 21. She's 5'3", 102 pounds and already has curves AND her period. WTF?? When did she grow up on me? The funny thing is, the only way I can convince the child to come sit with me and give me hugs and kisses is to threaten to have another baby to love on. THAT gets her running to me with open arms. I miss that tiny little girl who couldn't pronounce 'rl' together. (as in girl or world) The baby who would crawl up in my lap and shower me with kisses that I didn't have to beg, bribe, or blackmail for. THAT's the kind of stuff worth stressing over.

Not, some stupid idea that I'm a bad businesswoman. That I can deal with.

Wish me luck with the party, and if you actually have Valium, send it my way! I'll accept vodka as well.

I'm trying to figure something out, so bear with me. This is important. In June, I left my job of almost 13 years and opened my own business. Same industry-insurance, but just doing it for myself rather than someone else. I've invested a significant amount of time and MONEY into starting this venture, and am now seriously second guessing my decision. I hate working all day alone. It's boring and drags me down mentally. I see our hard earned savings dwindling away and feel helpless and powerless to do anything about it. I'm unable to qualify the loss by saying "I'm investing in my family's future". I don't know if this is just a fear of failure, or depression, or just a negative attitude. I don't know what to do. When should I call it quits and just stop pretending that I'm going to make a go of this? Or is this just depression talking? I feel inadequate and lazy and I KNOW I haven't given this 110% like I should. Maybe that's my problem. I'm a type A perfectionist with OCD. Maybe my depression stems from innate knowledge that I'm not performing at my personal best, therefore I'm undermining my own ability to thrive as a business woman. Or maybe I'm just terrified of what having a failed business under my belt would do to me mentally, therefore I'm not giving it my best effort in an attempt to justify said future failure. Or maybe I'm just fucking crazy and my meds need to be updated. All I know for certain is if I get fired from this, I might never, ever be the same.

Every single muscle in my body is bitching and carping about the insane amounts of Taebo I did this weekend. But, in spite of an anniversary dinner a deux and a birthday party for the nephew with cake and ICE CREAM, my lovely, lovely nemesis, I still managed to drop two freaking pounds this week! Whoo the freak hoo! Also, peanut butter ice cream, filled with chocolate peanuts and chocolate covered pretzels??? If it was calorie free, fat free etc... I would totally give up sex for the rest of my life to be able to eat a freaking VAT of this stuff daily. I think it was called Hog Trail or something like that. It's by Yarnell's and since I live in Razorback country (whoot!) I'm assuming only Special K will know about this.

Yesterday was my 2nd weigh in and I. lost. another. pound. Whoot! That's 7 all total! Eleventy kajillion more to go.

The job front is sucking a little less this week. Today is only Tuesday so... I'm still hoping for Fabulous and getting Mmkay. But, I'm positive and working dilligently and all that rah rah go Ang crapola. Also, door to door marketing? In August? In Arkansas? Sucks!!

The spouse has been in Vegas 'working' and today is our 12 year anniversary. I think I need to take my lunch and mosey on over to Shoe Carnival and shop for my gift. Doncha think that's only fair? He's getting beer and showgirls and slot machines (after 'work' is finished for the day) and I'm getting WW meals, solo parenting and Taebo. Who's gonna be more stressed after this week is over?? hmmm? Definitely something new shoes will cure.

Tonight I willingly allowed the rug rat to invite over 4 squealing girls for a pre-back-to-school sleepover. I figured if I can't do the romantical anniversary crap then I should at least get the gold star for my parenting skills, right? I mean, the kids will never notice that I'm hiding in the bedroom with the newest Sherilyn Kenyon book and a large(ish) glass of merlot. With ear plugs in.

Wish me luck with that.

Okay, Monday was my very first weigh in at WW, and I lost six pounds! Score! I haven't lost six pounds in years. I've been following the points thing and getting in some activity and eating more whole grains and chugging more water. I'm not saying this is easy, because last night PMS was winning over the wanting-to-be-thin-again me. I ate two WW fudge bars and a bag of 1 point popcorn after dinner. I was proud of my restraint, because never once did I screech at the husband to go get me some Yarnell's Death By Chocolate NOW Beeyotch! And Italian take-out! And some valium for chrissakes! And a bottle of Gray Goose. Because all of those things would have totally ruined my points schedule for the next two or three weeks. Except for maybe the valium, but I don't have a prescription so.....

Anywhoo, I'm coming to the conclusion that planning is the main key to success at this WW thing. Planning menus and snack ideas and activities to do. I've discovered that as long as I keep a 100 calorie pack or low-fat granola bar in my purse, then it keeps the crazy hunger thing from overpowering my week-willed ass while I'm out running errands and away from the safety of my own kitchen. I have hope. We'll see how it goes from there.

The job front is still sllooooowly chugging along as well. Being a business owner is something akin to bleeding heavily out of your femoral artery. You know that if you don't get off your butt and DO something that you're gonna die, but everytime you seem to make progress you just start hemorraging (money) again. Case in point: do you have any clue how much it costs to advertise in the yellow pages? Yeah, me neither until today. Hundreds of dollars per month. HUNDREDS, as in more than a car payment, but not quite a mortgage payment!!!!

I think I'm gonna stick with homemade signs for now. :-)

My horoscope said I'd come into some surprise money today. So far, I'm still waiting. Damned yahoo astrologers probably lied. Or if it's the truth, I hope that it's not something horrible like finding out someone's life insurance is suddenly about to pay off. I mean, I DO have principles!!!

I also have new and exciting information to share. Yesterday I joined Weight Watchers online. I mean, I found the scale where my darling husband has been trying dilligently to keep it from me (strictly at my urging!) and when I got on it I almost fell off again. I knew I had packed on some pounds since I quit smoking. I mean, I recently had to rape my Kohls card to get bigger pants for officewear. But I had NO freaking clue what I actually weighed. Yes, I'll give you the number: 163. There! I said it. Internet, be kind. I'm currently fragile in the self-confidence arena. No wonder those size 10's hanging in the closet actually screamed and ran away the last time I reached for them.

So, yesterday I began the flex plan, counting points and all that stuff that I can't recall ever doing before. In my teens, I drank a Slim Fast for lunch once in a while and retained my girlish figure. In my twenties, all I had to do to drop pounds was slack off the clubbing a little. (ie. the boozing) Now that I'm in my thirties, I had begun to wonder if Taebo was actually a BAD thing. It sure doesn't help the numbers on the scale, but I can totally kick ASS after a few weeks of early morning sessions with Billy. So this time, I'm going to do the WW thing for a bit, and once I get a handle on all the meal planning and counting and being held accountable, then I'll work my Taebo back in. I can't get started on both at once because working out makes me want to eat like a rabid bear. Snarling and slobbering all over while simultaneously shoving doritoes down my throat. Attractive mental picture, huh?

That being said, I headed to do some Krogering last night and stocked up on organic bananas (totally worth the dime more per pound than regular!) seedless grapes, rice cakes, green leaf lettuce, grape tomatoes, fat free calorie free taste free olive oil based salad dressing, and sugar free jello. And an assload of Lean Cuisine meals because they were on sale for A DOLLAR each!! Score!

Wish me luck. I want to be digging back out those 10's before Christmas!!!!!

You will be happy to know that the first part of the week was much, much better at work. I mean, I'm still poor but in the immortal words of Alanis Morrisette, "I'm broke but I'm happy." I still haven't figured a way to manage this mountain of stress I seem to be under, but I took care of some crap this week that needed to be handled, and I actually wrote a couple of new policies as well. Hooray for Insurance Girl! Covering the un-covered for 13 years and counting! hmmm, maybe that should be my new tag line, rather than desperately seeking sanity. Although, both are applicable. I don't think my company's ad department would approve that for my chamber of commerce listing. It would be fabulously funny though. I could be photographed wrapping a trench coat around a hot, muscular young thang. I'll keep him covered baby. Yeah.

The spouse and I Communicated last night. Actually, I crawled up on his lap and was all, WTF, man? Can't a girl get some help around here with this being frugal and crap? Why you gotta diss on me and my financial planning? (yes, I realize I'm a white thirty-something who lives in the suburbs, but sometimes it helps diffuse the situation to throw down some of my ol skool roots) Anywhoo, it was determined that Sunday was all a bunch of miscommunication. He didn't know I had already laid down the law about the dollar movie. The kid just wanted to spend some time out of the house, and I just wanted to let one day go by without having to deduct anything from our checking account. Almost all of this was accomplished. We rented two movies and popped popcorn at home. Spent the afternoon/evening with the three of us just hanging out on the couch. It was nice. And we watched two new releases for the price of one freaking matinee ticket. Who's your little penny pincher??? I am!

So, I'm thinking of taking up yoga or something. I need to do something other than obsess over the job and sitting on my ass eating potato chips and then going outside to chainsmoke is just doing nothing for my figure. And my ability to Taste the chips is shot all to hell due to smoking. So, it's stupid and endless and I need something Waaay more bettered to do with my time. So, there's a new gym right down the street from my office called the ten dollar gym. Everything in it is all new and sparkly, and the best part?!? It's only ten dollars per month to join, with no contract that you have to sign. I'm totally gonna bust out the workout clothes and rock me some Taebo prior to embarrasing myself in public. But it's something I'm really interested in. Well, I have an appointment in thirty minutes ,I just finished my bar-b-que chips, and now I'm going to smoke before my customer comes in.

I will obviously need a mint afterward.

I've always been in charge of the family's finances. When we were in our early twenties, it was paying of students loans and credit cards. Late twenties it was buying a house and making it all purty and stuff. Early thirties have been all about saving for college, retirement, a vacation. Just Saving and Not Spending! I'm good at this money thing. I keep our credit in great condition and our savings accounts are bigger each month rather than smaller. I'm not bragging. I'm a Capricorn. It's what we do.

Now that the new job thing started, I've seen a large difference in my prior monetary arrangements. So, I talked to the kid and the spouse and let them know that we must pull together as a team, and learn to be more frugal. Turning off lights when you leave a room, eating rather than going to a nice restaurant with a large bar tab. Maybe skipping constant weekends at the lake. Well, it was all agreed that we would do this together and make it work. I mean, it's not like I'm trying to make us eat Ramen EVERY single day, just once in a while. Maybe opt for sloppy joes and a game of Scrabble, rather than those luscious bacon-wrapped filets and a bottle of merlot. (damn, this being frugal shit sucks sometimes!) Regardless, I was all gung-ho until Sunday.

The kid is out of school for the summer. She's tired of staying home every day. She's bored. So Sunday morning she asked to go to the movies. Well, since I found out Friday about an $800 business expense I need to write a check for, I asked her to find something at the 'dollar' movie theater, rather than the expensive one. And that dad would take her, while I stayed home to make dinner. (red beans and rice, a recipe that takes about four hours) She agreed. Ten minutes later, she and the spouse come to tell me they're going to a matinee at the 'not a dollar' theater. I got pissed. Rapidly. Then I cried and cried because it appeared that I was in the frugality boat all alone, and the spouse and kid didn't care. Groovn-husband was mad because I got mad. We've NEVER had an argument, but Sunday was a close call. I mean, it was only an eleven dollar difference between movie prices, but the point was that I felt let down by their un-cooperativeness. (is that even a word?) I also felt scared that this job change is a big mistake. That I'm personally responsible for ruining our family's financial future. Combined with the fact that things at the office have died down ,and I can't even get a damned Family Member to return my call so I can give them a quote. WTF?

It's frustrating, very scary, infinitely stressful, and I'm wondering if I can really do this. But I'm still trying.

I haven't sold an insurance policy today, but the day is still young. I've been working on training for the new computer system and a multitude of other boring things. I won't go into detail. I mean, it's insurance crap. I've had a stress headache for about 7 days now, and our savings account hasn't seen fresh blood in months. Dude. Being self-employed is NOT easy! On the bright side, I don't have to argue over which radio station to listen to. :-)

Yesterday I totally bounced out of work for a few hours and took the kid to the mall. Yes, I'm aware that I'm currently poor and not really getting any type of paycheck, but when I quit smoking I gained a few pounds. Now all my 10's are too snug so I had to find something to cover my rapidly expanding girth. Did I mention that I started smoking again? Yeah, now I'm all beef-cake and shit AND I smoke. WTF did that eight months sans nicotine do for me except make my booty bigger, clear my sinuses, increased my sense of smell, and decreased the amount of cute summer stuff in my closet that actually FITS???? I know, I'll quit again soon. Last night I chugged a large-ish glass of merlot while cleaning the house. Then I decided to go smoke a couple of cigarettes. Now my throat is sore and I'm mentally berating my own damned stupidity. You'd think I was addicted or something.....

Okay, I didn't mean for this to turn into a mini-bitch-fest but there you have it. Those are the things on my mind lately. Work. Smoking. And my big Ass. Oh, I almost forgot this one:

The kid is staying home this summer. She's been spending nine hours per day all alone while the spouse and I do the job thang. I feel like nine different types of a neglectful parent, so does anyone have any (cheap!) ideas that I can do with the rugrat in the evenings? We've played soccer, taken a walk, gone to the mall, and now I'm at a loss. The cheap movie theater in our area is Skankeeeee! so that's not an option unless I double up on the meds before I go. Last time I gave in and went I spent two hours after the movie trying to disenfect my shoes. Yuck!

So, suggestions?

I'm back. Not that I've been missed. I'm sure my 1.5 readers were avidly wondering if I died from over-Taeboing, but unfortunately for my thighs, I haven't been doing much of shit lately. I mean, I will tell you this: I quit my job of 12 and a half years and opened my own insurance agency. Yes, it's not been my lifelong goal of being an insurance pimp that OWNS the playground that the ho's work in, but what can a girl do? I got tired of working for the man, paying my mortgage while my boss bought a new car every week. So, I kinda decided I'd be the man for a change. I mean, really! If you can't screw the man, then screw yourself is my theory on it all. Needless to say, being a small business owner has consumed ALL of my free time. I haven't been online for fun in fifty-kajillion years or something like that. I won't be nearly as neglectful in the future. I need this outlet to bang out my frustrations, random thoughts, and various ponderings. Or else I get all pissy. And yes, I'm currently pissy.

Despite the big job change, the spouse and I still took the kid to Cozumel for vacation. I mean, the tickets were paid for and all that so..... we just sucked it up, raped the savings account, and spent 7 days laying in the Mexican sun. Honestly, it was fun, but it still wasn't as good as the first time we went sans child. The vibe there isn't always kid friendly and I'm not 100% on this, but I think my daughter learned what the flaming pirate is. (It's something pirate, I can't remember) Maybe I should refresh my memory on urban dictionary dot com.

Or maybe not.

So, anyone out there need any insurance? I'm sellings, all I'm saying.....

For the past two weeks the spouse and I have been rolling out of bed at 6am to Taebo. Facing uber-fit workout gurus Billy and Shellie Blanks first thing in the morning (prior to coffee) is a daunting task, but I have managed to do it. "They" say that it takes 21 days to form a habit, so I'm hoping by the end of next week I'll be more apt to stick with this in the long run. I'm still working out a couple nights as well. So far? The spouse has lost three pounds, and I've gained one.

Yeah, don't feed me that shit about muscle weighing more than fat and all that.... I KNOW muscle weighs more and it burns more calories and it looks better than the cottage cheese butt I'm currently sporting. BUT, I still need the numbers on the scale to go down as well.

Patience, Ang. Patience.

In other news fronts, I received notice that my daughter's after school care is closing. She's a fourth grader and a VERY mature ten year old. What's everyone's opinion on allowing her to stay at home from 3:00 to 5:15 by herself? We're gonna give it a try and see how things go, but I am having a hard time feeling okay with this. Groovn-spouse and I still both tend to be overprotective. I mean, Chloe is our only child, a beautiful baby girl, and I still can't wrap my head around the fact that she is starting to get boobs and hair everywhere. AND she started her period!!

I mean, I look like a young twenty something. (nudge nudge wink wink) I CAN'T possibly have a daughter that looks thirteen!

Wish me luck on the working out thang. It's almost bathing suit weather and I have seven more weeks before leaving for Cozumel.

I've never really considered myself a Chicken Little kinda of gal. The sky isn't falling and life doesn't suck. I mean, MOST of the time I don't particularly generate the whole doom and gloom outlook on life. Can I be pessimistic? Hell yeah. But I don't revel in it like some.

BUT...

This economy shit sucks major ass. (spoken like a true, well-educated, gentile southerner)

I hate spending my shoe money on gas for the car. I hate spending my Gray Goose money on milk and bread. (heaven forbid I actually switch to cheap vodka. I'd rather be thirsty!) I hate spending my vacation money on inflated utility bills. I hate worrying about throwing money away by investing in a moderate risk, market-based retirement plan. I mean, if I save and save, then I would be SO FREAKING PISSED OFF if the stock market went all depression era sucky and I lost all my Geritol money. Damn it.

So, I think I'm going to adopt the Marie Antionette theory on life. We shall all eat cake and to hell with the rest.

I refuse to continue to avidly soak up my daily allowance of cnn or money.com. I won't look at the political news or watch debates or worry about going green. I refuse to hear anything mentally distressing--except the latest on Britney. Instead I will focus on fashion, entertainment, and the horoscopes. Maybe the comics. But not even the jumble because it just pisses me off when I can't think of the answer.

Maybe I'll even go hippy. Except that I must bathe daily and wear cute shoes. So, maybe not so much on the hippy thing. But starting today, I begin my quest to become ignorant, uninformed, and blissfully unaware of the world around me.

Just you wait, in two months time, I'll bet I even start watching Flavor of Love.

I hate my job. I know, it's been said before, but unfortunately in this instance I'm probably in agreement with at least ninety percent of the working population. I hate ungrateful customers who won't lift a finger to scratch their own ass. I hate liars and frauds and cheats who try to 'get one over' on the insurance company. I hate this office, with it's florescent lighting and dirty green carpet. I hate my boss with his inability to do anything at all, including buying some goddamned paper towels and coffee at Wal-mart without me spoon feeding it to him. Most of all, I hate my no-work-ethic-having, calling-in-sick, lazy-ass motherfucking co-workers.

Now, that venom all spewed out in the open, here's my dilemna:

I get paid quite a bit for this job. Enough so that I'm having a hard time changing jobs without taking a pretty harsh pay cut. The family won't starve if I did this, but our Cozumel trips and weekly dinners out would come to a screeching halt for a while. And I'm pretty sure amazon.com, oldnavy.com, and penneys.com would no longer know me on a first name basis. I might even have to let go of the platinum visa for a while. Well, scratch that last bit, I won't be POOR, just not living up to my usual quality of life. Yes, this sounds snotty to me and like a no brainer. BUT at what point is your mental happiness worth those extra zeroes at the end of your paycheck?

It should be never, right? But that's not the case at all. Not for me, and not for tons of other people out there, counting down the days each week until Friday. Then trying to cram a weeks' worth of life into the next two days.

The spouse is currently doing his semi-annual 'business trip' to Las Vegas and I've been playing at being a single mom for the past several days. I have to say that I honestly think that anyone being a solo parent (or at least a GOOD, solo parent-anybody can be a sucky parent) has had my highest regards since the first overnight trip the spouse went on. It's hard being the only one there, with no one to turn to and say, "I've had enough. It's your turn."

I still remember the first time Bill went out of town. Eight days and seven nights in Atlanta, Georgia. The rugrat was about 14 months old and I lost seven pounds while he was gone. I missed him so badly, and was so stressed about getting to work on time, making a healthy dinner for just the 1.5 of us, and still keeping the house in perfect order... well, let's just say that at the time, I was in hell. Now I just realize that I'm a lucky girl to miss her husband so badly. We've been married almost twelve years and I still get depressed when he leaves. Aaah, luv twoo luv....

Anywhoo.... the low point of this trip has been Bill calling on a Saturday night. While I'm home with the kiddo, after cancelling drunken girlfriend plans, (the kid's sleepover plans had fallen through) and he's had a few beers and is out partying in Vegas with some co-workers and customers. Dude, don't piss me off like that. You won't like the results. But, I can proudly admit that instead of getting all whiney and Pitiful Mclonlipants, I put on a Taebo dvd and rocked out the hour long workout. Now, if Bill could just KEEP pissing me off for the next couple of months, I'd have the abs of my dreams.... :-)

Yep, it's that time of year again ladies. Time for the 2008 version of your Annual Spring into the Gym Before Your Chubby Ass Hits the Beach. Otherwise known as the Desperation Point. I have a Cozumel trip planned and two of my very tan and skinny friends are going to be laying on the beach next to me. To put it delicately, if I don't do something, I'm gonna stand out a bit. And not in a good way. I mean, I'm not trying to be the skinny drunk blonde in Carlos and Charlies sporting a tiny skirt and bikini top and you KNOW is gonna puke those Rum Runners all over that sweaty boy that's grinding up on her... I just want to the cute, un-jiggly, kinda-tan mom. I'm good with that.

Wish me luck. Send me good karma. Or good willpower.....

Once again I took an unintentional hiatus from blogging. It's just that I've been trying to get back into the whole soccer mom groove and frankly, February soccer tournaments suck bunghole. Last Saturday I spent seven hours outside, freezing my butt off, sportin' the Bono look with a hat, hoodie over the hat, and large sunglasses (it's not a good look for me either. Hot as hell for Bono, not so cute for me) trying to cover every square inch of my face to prevent the hypothermia from setting in. The kid played four games, the spouse was coaching. So I was chillin (pun totally intended) alone on the opposite side of the field until my sister showed up for the last two games. I guess all that matters is Chloe had a good time. The fact that I bravely pust aside my own comfort for the love of my child is something that will go unnoticed....

Sidenote: That last bit was total sarcasm. I am NOT one of those martyred moms who give up their lives just because they gave birth. I'm proud of my daughter and love her more than anything on the whole fucking planet, but that doesn't mean I have to make her my sole, top priority in life. If that makes me sound selfish, so be it. I do the supermom thang, but the rugrat is fully aware that although I'm MOM, I'm also Angie the girl. That means sleepovers get shared. --ie. the kid gets a friend to stay the night Friday and I cater to them. Movies, popcorn, staying up late, video games, candy etc.... THEN Saturday night Mom and Dad get to have their sleepover while the kid goes to Grandma's house without bitching about it. See, I'm teaching my child to compromise while simultaneously paving the way for living room sex with the spouse. It's a win, win situation all the way around.

Wow. I got a little off track. Let's just say that I'm trying to prevent my beautiful, intelligent, soccer star that the only child syndrome is not for her. It's difficult to say the least, but we're working at it.

Hpoe everyone's Valentine's Day was awesome. I got my super hot spouse a Zune and a box of chocolates. The love was there, trust.

I have found a new nemesis and thy name is the pitcher. As in pitcher of beer. I met some friends at a restaurant a few days ago for an impromtu birthday party. Since giving up my smoking habit (131 days ago! Whoot!) I also made the decision to cut back on my beer consumption as well. Not because I'm in danger of becoming an alcoholic, because booze hounds are soooo high school shit. :-) But because beer made me want to smoke. Needless to say, in the months that followed my tolerance went from frat party college boy to jehovah's witness virgin girl. And last Tuesday night proved that to me. Well, actually it was Wednesday morning that did the proving. Tuesday night was just good times man, good times.

We went to Hooters. Yes, the birthday person was male. Now, I don't have any moral indignancy regarding Hooters. If I had 21 year old thighs, was single, and had big tata's, I'd totally cram my little ass in some orange panties and work for tips as well. What I do have a problem with is the food. More specifically paying eighteen dollars for a cheeseburger, fries, and a glass of water. With tip of course. I'm not a miser.

Anywhoo... back to the story: after much, much, MUCH birthday toasting I came to the realization that I was drunk. I noticed this when I placed my pale blue sweater covered boob in the damned hot wings in ended up with a round stain of sauce right where my nipple should be. I didn't MEAN to be drunk. I just didn't notice that when drinking beer communally via pitchers, rather than an individual bottle, a person tends to drink A LOT more than they normally would. You would've thought I would have reached this conclusion back in my wild and free single days. But no, I had to discover this on my own. While trying to crawl out of bed and make myself purty for work.

So, the moral of this story is : if you hook up with friends for booze and wings, stick to the bottle, rather than the tap. It may cost a little more initially, but the investment is well worth it.

I work for an insurance company. I live in the south. Today is the first moment I've had to even THINK of updating since most of my state was struck by really suck-ass storms. And really Really suck-ass tornadoes. Luckily none of my customers were injured or killed. My area only sustained minor wind damage. To those poor people who lost their lives, their family members, their homes, pets, even the photographs of little Johnny's first steps.... I am so sincerely, deeply sorry for what you had to endure and will continue to endure until the grief subsides and your homes are rebuilt.

The area most affected was one that didn't have a lot of money for extra insurance premiums. Please people: go donate to the Salvation Army, Red Cross, whoever.... I know I will.

Oh my god! Heath Ledger is dead. They found him in one of the Olsen girl's apartments, surrounded by pills. Associated Press is thinking it might be drug related. (damn, what kind of gpa do they allow to graduate from journalism school?) Ya think, dumbass? It was either drugs or that skinny Olsen twin ate him.

I'm so going home to have a bottle of wine and watch A Knight's Tale.....

Rest in peace you sexy mothafuckahh.....

Tonight is the season premiere of American Idol, tomorrow is my birthday, and the kid and spouse have purchased a gift for me that I have NO idea what it is. Also, I purchased myself a gift that involves round trip airfare to L.A. to see my girl, B, and five glorious days of debauchery in the big city.

that's going to be the title of the first p0rn book i write. Debauchery in the Big City.

Wish me a happy one!!

Today I'm going to see my doctor, in hopes that she can explain why my hormones have suddenly decided to go all mental on me. I quit smoking a little over three months ago with Chantix. (the pill that blocks your body's absorption of nicotine) I didn't have a lot of side effects while taking it, other than Really, Really messed up dreams. Every. Single. Night. The fucked up sleep went away, but now I haven't had a period in two months. Also, I fly off the handle with Intense rages, my face looks like I'm 16 again, and I could sleep twenty hours out of the day. Yes, I realize that this sounds a lot like pregnancy. Unfortunately I'm not pregnant. I took two home pregnancy tests a month ago and they were both negative.

Sidenote: I say 'unfortunately' because I'm currently experiencing baby fever something fierce! A friend had a beautiful baby girl a little over a year ago and I love her dearly. Also, my little sis is pregnant with my niece and I can't wait to meet her!!!! Here' a thought: maybe I'm having sympathy hormones? :-)

I wonder if my cats would let me dress them in those cute, frilly baby clothes I've been oohing and aaahing over lately?

A week from tomorrow I will be 34 years old. That makes me nine years older than I said I would be when I finally attained all my lofty goals of being a famous interior designer, married, with a fabulously trendy, window-filled Manhattan penthouse apartment. At the ripe old age of ten, I had visualized my life completely. I even included a daughter, Constance, in the picture and a couple of cats. The daughter would be a little carbon copy of me, and I would be beautiful with long red hair and green eyes. I'm assuming colored contacts were in the cards for me. And I would definitely own a jeep and a long red scarf trimmed in fur, just like Demi Moore's character Jules in St. Elmo's Fire.

The married part was implied, but Mr. Dreamboat wasn't actually detailed out. The prerequitsite tall, dark, and handsome would apply without saying. But he would also be Michael Jackson suave with Rob Lowe's sexy jawline. Michael J. Fox's eyes and Prince's sex appeal. Emilio Estevez's boyish charm, and Judd Nelson's bad boy image-complete with beat up trench coat and earring.

In a lot of ways, my real life has far exceeded the pre-teen daydreams. My husband is a green eyed (see! I Knew there'd be green eyes involved!) dark-haired artist. He has a brain that even my snobbish self can respect. AND he's the Best. Father. Like. Evah. And his butt... okay, so 10 year olds shouldn't be daydreaming about future hubby's package, but if I had've.... let's just say I nailed it on the spousal department and leave it at that.

I did have one daughter. She has my smile and blue eyes, and her father's chestnut hair. Chloe-not Contance- is the most beautiful, funny, intelligent girl this world will ever see. Sometimes I'm not sure I'm her mother, until she starts acting like a total brat. At that point I can see my genes blatantly.

I have three cuddly cats, all of which are snuggly and cute and funny and slightly cracked out.

My long red hair is short with blonde highlights, but it looks totally bitchin, so I'm good. No colored contacts, but I like seeing my eyes on my daughter's face so I wouldn't change that either. I'm not a professional decorator, but an insurance agent instead. Decorating is a hobby, a passion, and love of mine that has endured these past two decades so I guess there's still time on that one.

My sunroom in my single story brick home is filled with lots sexy windows, but I traded trees and a swingset for a penthouse view. And considering my hobby, the inside is-of course- fabulously trendy.

All in all, I'd say I don't have much to bitch about. Except for that insurance agent part. What the hell was I thinking?

And my husband is so NOT Michael Jackson suave. And I'm 100% okay with that.

Borrowed from SpecialK, but I'm too retarded to link so try this: http://www.specialk513.blogspot.com/

1.What did you do in 2007 that you’d never done before? Uhm, went tubing off the back of a boat, while totally freaking wasted.

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year? I quit smoking, so yes, mine were kept. I did make more for 2008-get in better shape. Trim up the jelly belly.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? Nope. Thank GOD!

4. Did anyone close to you die? Damn, I don't have many left, so no.

5. What countries did you visit? The hills in Arkansas and LaLaLand and Mexico. All of which constitute an out of mind/body experience.

6. What would you like to have in 2008 that you lacked in 2007? Patience, a greater sense of accomplishment with life, a more fulfilling career.... but I'd totally settle for a really hot pair of shoes.

7. What dates from 2007 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? Uhmmm...my anniversary was fun this year. Honeymoon jacuzzi suite and cheap champagne. Booyah!

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? Sucessfully hosting my sister's snooty, wealthy, fancy pants in-laws for her wedding shower, and doing it with grace and panache.

9. What was your biggest failure? Stuffing my face full of candy after quitting smoking and then gaining seven pounds because of it.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? Sick to fucking death of my job, but that's about it. (knocks wood profusely!!!!)

11. What was the best thing you bought? Microsoft Zune

12. Whose behavior merited celebration? my husband's. Not only is he dead sexy, but he is also an extremely talented artist. AND he doesn't give me too much shit.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? my own, sometimes. But that's no different than any other year. Paris Hilton? Britney Spears? Hell, I don't know. I don't hang with appallingly depressed peeps.

14. Where did most of your money go? Stop smoking pills and shoes.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? My baby sister is having a baby girl. I'm so going to Rock the whole Aunt Scene.

16. What song will always remind you of 2007? Seether is pretty good, but only because I'm wrapped up in the newest album right now. a LOT of freaking Daughtry on the radio, and I got to meet him so maybe that should apply. But I love me some My Chemical Romance too. but only because I'm so emo like 'dat.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? Happier
b) thinner or fatter? Seven pounds fatter
c) richer or poorer? Richer

18. What do you wish you’d done more of? Hanging with my girl, B. and hot, sweaty living room sex with the spouse.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of? ate fucking snickers

20. How did you spend Christmas? dazed and confused with lack of sleep. Opening all my fabulous gifts with the kid and spouse and my best girl, B, and my two sisters. Then off to the Grandma-in-law's house for excellent grubbage and more presents! Squee!

21. Did you fall in love in 2007? Only with some smokin hot Styla eyeshadow in pale bronze. Sexy.

22. What was your favorite TV program? House. Hugh Laurie, mmmm mmm good!

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year? I'm a lover, not a hater.

24. What was the best book you read? Mary Janice Davidson's Betsy the Vampire series. Most hilariously funny chick lit fluff i've read in a long time. I Consumed these books in hours!! While stuffing my face with snickers and laughing until I peed my pants a little.

25. What was your greatest musical discovery? My Chemical Romance is probably my most recent favorite. I had Three Cheers for Sweet Revenge and liked it a lot, but didn't fall in Luv until Black Parade came out.

26. What did you want and get? Gorgeous new dishes.

27. What did you want and not get? Whirled peas. And lipo.

28. What was your favorite film of this year? I'm always a few years behind, but I watched the Simpsons movie last night, and I have to admit that as far as low-brow humor goes, that movie has everything. I laughed out loud!

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? 33 and I spent it drunk on Sunset Strip with my girls. Listening to Chris Daughtry in concert and then chasing him down to say "hi" and "i voted for you" I'm living proof that geekiness doesn't diminish with age.

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? New wood flooring was on my list, but I wouldn't turn down a new car, a million dollars, or a glamorous new job in a foreign country. or diamonds. That's good too.

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2007? Can you say Magpie? If it's sparkly and pretty I'm immediately attracted to it. And something about horrendously uncomfortable shoes. They're just hot.

32. What kept you sane? Z0loft. and the spouse.

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? I'm assuming by 'fancy' you really mean who would I rip the clothing off with my teeth? --and I'm extremely anal retentive about my pearly whites! I guess I'm with Kay on this one-Steven Tyler, as always. But I find myself more than a little in lust with Johnny Depp (three years running!) and Orlando Bloom and both of the Pitt-Jolies.

34. What political issue stirred you the most? Global warming was kinda put on the front burner this year. I got really, really aggressive on recycling and the spouse and i replaced all of our appliances and windows and doors with energy star rated stuff. I mean, I'm a massive consumer on a lot of goods, and I don't always buy american. Also I hate some of the organic foods. But I sincerely value the communion with a healthy, thriving environment and want my grandkids to be able to do the same.

35. Who did you miss? B, but only because she's a travelling nurse and is Always Gone.

36. Who was the best new person you met? Nobody yet. I tend to be judgemental about a lot of things and I have to build up a genuine respect for someone before I can bond. I've met a wait and see person, but so far i'm still waiting.

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2007. It's just another year. The only difference between 2007 and 2008 is a single digit. It's up to me to make those apocolyptic changes that i want out of life. That's scary as fuck but still a welcome challenge.

38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
Since my kiddo hit the double digits this year (ten years old! eek, my baby!) How about a little My Chemical Romance and "teenagers scare the living shit out of me"